[BREAKING] Seichi Sweetheart Polls Drop—Chaos Ensues, Hearts Tremble, and "Most Marriageable" Mysteriously Vanishes 📝 By Gossip Tabloid (totally unbiased, unless you count our undying devotion to Abby)
Shinobi, citizens, emotional wrecks and drama queens—it’s officially time to VOTE! The Seichi Sweetheart Pageant polls are LIVE and ready to devour your hopes, dreams, and chakra reserves. Hosted by the sparkling soul of the pageant herself, Monami (yes, she’s still glowing), we now know the categories that matter:
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Seichi’s Sweetheart (duh)
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Best Outfit (there will be claws)
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Best Personality (rigged?)
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Cutest Shinobi (prepare for war)
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Best Pose (formerly “Most Marriageable” but let’s talk about that...)
Yes, you read that right—"Most Marriageable" was yeeted into the abyss of forbidden tabloid memory. Sources whisper (okay, scream in the alley) that its removal was due to rising tensions in poly marriages. Allegedly, one contestant’s partner cried because they didn’t even get a nomination. We don’t name names, but we saw someone tear up a chakra prenup in the forum comments.
Medical shinobi are standing by in case of dramatic swooning or vote-count-related emotional breakdowns. ANBU operatives have been deployed to monitor vote rigging. And someone, somewhere, is casting ten alt-account ballots while wearing a prom tiara. It’s fine. It’s tradition.
Now. Look. You’re a smart, capable person with excellent taste. So you’ll do the right thing.
You’ll vote for Abby.
Why? Because she is the potato-powered, sparkle-drenched empress of gossip and glamor. Because she holds the line between chaos and couture. Because if we’re not biased in favor of our own Editor-in-Chief, who even are we?
Polls close on June 3rd. That’s right. You’ve got a week to click your heart out.
DO IT FOR THE POTATO.
DO IT FOR JUSTICE.
DO IT FOR ABBY. 🥔✨đź‘‘
Now go vote.
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