“PRONGS, VANS, AND A POSSIBLE SASUKE: HOW A CASUAL CONVO ACCIDENTALLY RUINED A NEW GUY’S NIGHT” By Abby, speculator-in-chief, professional vibe decoder, and resident guilt manager With guest chaos from Forky, Lulu, Teni, and the Spirit of Van Breezy

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It started with prongs.
Like all accidents of fate.

Forky threw a metaphorical fork into the tavern and sparked a cheerful discussion about utensils, netting people left and right in sparkly chaos. Unexpectedly, the mysterious healing myth herself—Teni—joined in.

Not passed out.
Not away.
Very much online.
And engaged in chat.

You could hear the collective gasp of the server.
Was this the apocalypse?
A new patch?
Did she take her meds?

We may never know.
But that moment alone would have been enough drama for a Tuesday.

🚐 ENTER LULU, WITH THE VAN PROPHECY
As if summoned by divine chaos, Lelouch arrived and performed his sacred ritual:

“It’s time to come home.”

Home, in this context, means Current—but also spiritually refers to the Realm of Taco Bell, a euphemistic place of grease, family, and questionable architectural stability.

He referenced Breezy, his beloved van (and/or spiritual wife), and insisted that Karigan, who was now spiraling, belonged with “their people.”

Karigan:

“Wait. There's another van?! What child of the Van am I?!”

Existential confusion followed.
Forky’s fork logic deepened.
Teni said she was born in C1 like a proud village elder.
And then—

⚡ MOMOSHIKI HAPPENED. ⚡
He said:

“I AM MOMOSHIKI, FEAR MY POWER OF THE HEAVENS.”

Nobody was ready.
Nobody could be ready.

The prong convo screeched to a halt.
Everyone turned.
Analyzed the tag.
Looked at the hair.
Noted the level.

And then it began.

🕵️‍♀️ THE SASUKE SPECULATION SWARM 🕵️‍♀️

  • Valrix: “It’s definitely Sasuke.”

  • Zakku Tensai: “100%.”

  • Zayah: “Oh god it’s f***ing Sasuke.”

  • Forky: Posts a GIF of pure disbelief.

  • Momoshiki: “I’m not Sasuke STOP IT :(”

A flurry of speculation, denial, confirmation, deflection, cow memes, and Jojo references followed.
Someone called him Randall.
Someone else called him Sasuke again.

Even Quiet showed up—late to the mess—and dropped his classic line:

“Tone it down in here~”

Which everyone, hilariously, did.

🎭 BUT HERE’S THE REAL QUESTION...
Is he Sasuke?
Maybe.
But also… maybe not.

What if Momoshiki is just a fresh new Genin with an unfortunate flair for dramatics and an accidentally emo aesthetic?
What if he just wanted to say hi and got psychologically profiled by half the server within five minutes?

We at the Tribune admit: the evidence is stacked, but the vibes are inconclusive.
So we are officially declaring this:

❗ MOMOSHIKI: SITUATION “MAYBE SASUKE” ❗

A Category 3 Identity Emergency.
Subject is under observation, but presumed emotionally innocent until proven brooding.

📌 TL;DR – KEY FINDINGS 📌

  • Forky started it with prongs.

  • Teni broke the laws of physics by being awake.

  • Lulu tried to repatriate people to his Taco Bell utopia.

  • Karigan questioned ther lineage.

  • Momoshiki caused a full Sasuke-level panic.

  • Quiet modded the room into silence.

  • We are… not totally sorry. But we’re watching ourselves.

🧠 ONGOING INVESTIGATION:

  • Is Breezy sentient?

  • Is Momoshiki traumatized by this?

  • Will Teni vanish again tomorrow?

  • Why do half the taverners sound like they escaped a forbidden Jojo side arc?

Stay tuned for more.

—Abby, your tavern correspondent and temporary guilt sponge.




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