🗞️ CATT EMERGENCY UPDATE ❄️ OPERATION: KAGELOCK TERMINATED By Abby, investigative penguin, part-time gossip gremlin
Ladies, jonin, and degenerates of Seichi—he’s gone.
Anarchy is no longer Kage of Glacier.
Was it a duel?
A challenge?
A revolution?
No. It was prestige.
And a penguin.
Let me explain.
🐧 CATT INFILTRATION: OPERATION FLIPPERS
The moment we saw Anarchy was out, I threw on my best black-and-white feathers and disguised as a penguin, waddled into Glacier's plaza, asking,
"What the fork happened with the Kage?"
Locals were confused, yes. But helpful? Absolutely. And the gossip we gathered could melt glaciers.
💸 6000 PRESTIGE A DAY KEEPS THE CHALLENGES AWAY
Turns out one of the former elders was allegedly feeding Anarchy 6000 prestige daily.
How? Who? Through what arcane chakra ritual?
No idea. But we have the receipts, baby. Screenshots. Time stamps. The logs glow.
And why?
To keep challenges off indefinitely.
To farm dailies.
To squat on the Kage seat like it was a frozen toilet in a prestige hoarder's cabin.
One of our sources (censored for protection from assassination via passive-aggressive tavern posts) whispered that the plan was to keep the Kage locked until Apoc could grab it and, quote, “troll Glacier.”
Classic.
Oh and remember the BDC ANBU? Removed.
Just... deleted.
But you can’t erase the Black Dragons Clan.
They rebuild faster than you can say "ANBU who?"—cold, efficient, inevitable.
🛠️ STAFF INTERVENTION(?) AND MADCREP BLOW-UP
Did staff intervene?
Maybe. We are not sure.
Do we care?
Yes, because we got screenshots of Anarchy begging warlord-staff Chadmiral Madcrep for help.
And Madcrep? He responded like a disgruntled janitor on his day off:
“Kiss my a**, I’m not on staff duty atm.”
“How about you go fork yourself.”
True quotes. No notes. The energy of a man one latte away from war crimes.
Eventually, the prestige faucet ran dry.
No more juice = no more challenge lock.
And poof—Anarchy vanished from the Kage seat like a fart in a snowstorm.
👑 ENTER ALISTAIR: BDC BACK ON TOP
Who took the throne?
Alistair, from the Black Dragons Clan—the same crew that got purged from ANBU but didn’t even blink.
No Apoc. No puppet show.
Just BDC reclaiming what’s theirs, with the smoothness of a clan that always lands on its feet.
🥔 RIP TO THE FIGHT THAT NEVER WAS
We now must all message Potatorazzi and tell him the Glacier showdown he moved for is cancelled.
There will be no Anarchy vs Potato dream fight.
Only silence... and paperwork.
📸 BONUS: ANARCHY WAS A FAN (SORTA)
Before losing the throne, Anarchy did leave us a gift.
He posted the CATT photo from our last article on the Kage notice board.
Our tabloid is officially lore.
Anarchy may be gone, but CATT?
CATT is eternal.
-Horizontal.jpg "SUPPORT US!") |
| If you enjoy what we do, consider supporting us on Ko-fi! Every little bit means the world! |
Comments
Post a Comment