📰 SEICHI TABLOID TRIBUNE – TOTEMGATE CONTINUES “Totems Part 2: Now With 200% More Collateral Damage!”

Just when we thought the totem situation couldn’t get any weirder, SG returns, muttering about missed announcements and casually dropping the fact that totems now perform AoE Spiral Shoots. That’s right—your precious summon no longer gently pokes the enemy. It spins. It cleaves. It does not discriminate.

According to the cryptic message carved into the side of the update box, totems will now hit other summons and players. Yes. Players. Welcome to Friendly Fire Roulette™.

The message includes this comforting detail:

“Friendly fire settings are set so they are unreliable in spars.”
Which is just Seichi dev language for, “it might murder your squad, it might not. Good luck.”

The battlefield is now a chaos carnival where your summon might delete an ally mid-strategy. One panicked ANBU agent, who wished to remain anonymous, confessed:
"I saw my own summon turn, stare directly into my soul, and then Spiral Shoot my entire team. I haven’t slept since.”

Is this a bug? A feature? A subtle revenge from SG after too many people asked for jutsu updates?

Speculation mounts that the totems have achieved a higher form of AI. They remember who let them die in previous fights. They seek vengeance, not victory.

And what of PvP balance? Out the window. Along with your teammates. Into a totem-induced vortex.

Until SG gives us a “fix” or a full-on Totem Lore Drop, we advise the following:

• Don’t stand near anything with a pulse.

• Offer tribute to Dusk.

• And above all: never trust a summon with eyes.

Seichi is spiraling. And so are the totems.

—Seichi Tribune, writing this from a bunker filled with anti-spiral charms.

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