SEICHI GAZETTE SPECIAL FEATURE 📰 “The Pecs of War: Madcrep vs. Apoc – A Battle of Jutsu, Egos, and Unarmored Dominance” By Literally Not Sponsored By Jazu™

 

June 10, 2025 – What began as a challenge to silence some smack-talk turned into a jutsu-fueled revenge opera so spectacular, it made the ramen crisis look like a mild inconvenience at brunch. On the arena stage: two titans—Chadmiral Madcrep and Apoc the Allegedly Dangerous—locked in chakra-soaked combat under “equal” conditions. Same bloodline. Same jutsu level. Different… pectoral situations.

According to whispers echoing from the darkest alleys of the Global Tavern (but definitely not from the TNR Discord because we don’t go there—ick), this fight was the result of escalating ego pressure. People bet on it. People cheered. One person reportedly passed out from excitement and/or sodium withdrawal.

Let’s cut to the facts. According to battle logs now circulating like sacred scrolls dipped in shade:

• Madcrep’s attacks were biblical.
  His Storm Style: Daibutsu Thunder alone hit Apoc for a skull-crushing 1513.42 damage. That’s not an attack—that’s a karmic tsunami.

• Apoc retaliated, but between parries, clears, and several suspicious “stands and does nothing” turns, the damage was like throwing pebbles at a freight train.

• Meanwhile, Madcrep casually popped potions, activated chakra overflows, and glowed like a nightclub rave in a thunderstorm. Oh, and he wasn't even wearing chest armor. That’s right—according to Stack, Madcrep was rocking “coat of diamonds” with DR set to inherit, meaning: functionally topless.

Is this a disadvantage?
No. It’s a tactical distraction. Analysts suggest the fight may have been decided not by chakra, but by the hypnotic rhythm of Madcrep’s bare pectorals. Said pecs have been linked to flashbang effects in PvP encounters, spontaneous blushes, and the entire lore behind why Monami said “yes.”

Now, sure, some haters (Apoc) may point to missed heals or poor timing. But when asked whether this was a “fair” fight, most players responded:
“Don’t care. Did you see that 872.69 crit?”

The rematch? Unknown.
Will Apoc return stronger, chest-armored and emotionally recovered?
Will Madcrep wear a shirt next time? (Gods, we hope not.)

Until then, the scoreboard reads:
Madcrep 1 – Apoc’s Reputation 0

Coming up next in our Not-JazuLeaks series:
“Monami’s Marriage Contract: Did She Sign for the Storm Style or the Six-Pack?”

Stay dramatic, Seichi.

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