So apparently, Lady Tylenol woke up today and decided the villagers of Seichi were craving lukewarm toast smeared with beige, because that’s exactly what her so-called “mod-run newspaper” tastes like. Yes, friends—the seventh edition of the Ninja Scrolls is out, and it’s about as exciting as watching a senbon rust in real time.
“Fun and informative,” they say. Darling, if I wanted something fun and informative, I’d read the back of a ramen packet while being chased by a lightning tiger.
Let’s call it what it is:
A painfully polite PDF pamphlet that’s one cucumber sandwich away from being used as a sedative during Academy exams. Meanwhile, over here in The Tabloid With No Name™, we’re serving pure, freshly squeezed chaos—the kind of juice that wakes up your inner ANBU, makes your hair stand on end, and possibly gets you arrested. It’s tradition.
To the so-called journalists of the Ninja Scrolls:
Wrong team. Wrong battlefield. You’re not holding pens, you’re holding sadness. Hand over your oranges—hell, your apples, your pineapples, even your emergency rations. We’re the ones who make the good juice. And don’t worry, we’ll put your names in the credits. Right under “Contributors to National Boredom.”
But please, keep doing what you’re doing. You are invaluable. Nothing makes us look better than your commitment to mediocrity.
So here’s to real reporting, shady sources, and the chaotic truth.
We’ll be here. Stirring the pot. Spilling the juice.
Stay juicy, Seichi.
🍊 End of transmission. Comments open for complaints and fruit donations.
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