“Please Come Home”

In what Current officials are calling a “persistent humanitarian intervention,” Lelouch — a highly trained male panda known as Lulu — continues to roam Seichi in his suspiciously white van, softly whispering “come home” to shinobi of all ranks, regardless of location, allegiance, or current emotional state.

“Lulu found me mid-battle,” reported an ANBU from Shine. “He just opened the van door and said, ‘It’s not too late. You can still come home.’ Then he offered me a dumpling.”

While many see him as a gentle reminder of emotional healing, others call him a roaming guilt-trap in monochrome fur. His husband, Goahway — an alleged cult leader — has been using Lulu’s rescue missions as a recruitment funnel for Shinetology, a spiritual movement involving sand castles, sunlight, and questionable tax exemptions. Survivors report being asked to “sign something glowing” before being released from the van.

Eyewitnesses claim Lulu has parked outside Tsukimori’s moonlit temples, Glacier’s frostbitten barracks, and even once drove into Shroud’s swamp, honking “Home” in Morse code.

When asked where home actually is, Lulu responded only with a long sigh and the phrase, “It’s wherever you stopped being okay.”

Madcrep, the Kage of Current, has issued an official statement: “Please stop giving him gas money.”

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