💘 SEICHI SWEETHEART COMPETITION 2025: MAY CHAOS, COUTURE & CRUSHES BEGIN 💘 By the totally objective and not-at-all-biased Gossip Tabloid (lies), fueled by potato royalties and shameless favoritism.

 

🎤 Cue dramatic announcer voice: Shinobi, citizens, scandal addicts—hold onto your hair buns and brace your hearts, because the moment we’ve been thirsting for since last season’s emotional damage report has officially begun. That’s right. The Second Biannual Seichi Sweetheart Competition is here, and voting starts TOMORROW—once Dusk rolls out the sacred ballot scroll (aka link). Until then? Get ready. Get flustered. Get biased.

This isn’t just a pageant. It’s a war of glitter, seduction, and personality stats. It’s democracy, but with more sequins. And this year’s contestant lineup? Insane. Fashion has been assassinated and reborn seventeen times in a row already. Emotional stability? Missing in action. We don't even have room for the drama—it's being stored in a side dimension.

But before we get to the firestorm of fabulous contenders...
Let’s be clear about one thing.

🛑 THIS TABLOID IS BIASED FOR ABBY. 🛑
Yes, the radiant pink sovereign of potatoes, Abby herself—our queen, our chaos incarnate, the very author of this delicious disaster circus—is a contestant. And we have no shame about it. None.

She showed up holding a potato like it was forged by the Sage of Six Paths himself. Dressed in a cosmic sparkle gown that said “I own this multiverse,” Abby didn’t enter the competition—she is the competition. She’s the reason stars sparkle. The reason romance was invented. The reason the other contestants even tried. If she doesn’t win, we riot in coordinated sparkle outfits.

And don’t you dare call it rigged.
It’s not rigged.
It’s manifest destiny.

So tomorrow, when Dusk releases the official voting link?
✨ You vote.
✨ You vote loudly.
✨ You vote for Abby.
Or we will personally teleport to your village and replace all your food rations with raw potatoes and vague regret.

Meanwhile, the rest of the contestants have also shown up (bless their hearts), and yes—they’re dazzling. Shrubs in suits. Forks in galaxy dresses. Penguins wearing jewels that cost more than the entire Hidden Shine. Chaos. Romance. Very suspicious flirting. Too many fangs. It's all here.

And we haven’t even started the categories:
👗 Best Outfit
🥺 Cutest Shinobi
💫 Best Personality (or best at faking one)
💍 Most Marriageable (pending ANBU background check)

This is not a competition for the weak. This is Seichi. This is couture combat. And thanks to the generous donations from Korin and Amedot, the stage is shinier, the prizes bigger, and the chaos gloriously juicier.

So fluff your opinions, sharpen your biases, and prep your simping chakra—
The Seichi Sweetheart Competition has begun.
The stage is set. The lights are blinding.
And Abby is already holding the crown—we’re just pretending to vote. 🥔👑

Stay tuned for updates.
And vote responsibly. Or don’t. We’re not your mom.

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