🗞️💥 ONE MONTH OF CHAOS: The Tabloid That Lived 💥🗞️ By Abby, high on potato starch and legally untouchable (for now)

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We made it. One month (well, we are 2 days too late, but who cares) since this reckless scroll of scandal was unleashed on Seichi and the world hasn’t banned us yet. No cease & desist. No perma-ban. Not even a politely worded threat from Terriator’s secretary. Either we’re blessed by Fujin or the mods still haven’t logged in.

So let’s recap what we’ve achieved during our short but highly destructive existence:

🎉 WHAT WE’VE DONE (AND SURVIVED):

  • 🧨 We Spoke the Truth and Got Away With It:
    We’ve dragged Kages, mocked bots, leaked DMs, and named names—yet here we are. Not banned. Not silenced. Just slightly haunted. That’s not just journalism. That’s jutsu.

  • 📈 3,000+ Views in One Forking Month:
    That's more than the number of people who finished tier quests this year. I didn’t think y’all could read. And yet… here we are. I’m blushing. Like, full kawaii blush emoji. 😳We see you, silent readers. Your shame fuels us.

  • 🏷️ They Tag Us Now:
    People DM us BEFORE THE SCANDALS HATCH. That’s next-level clout. Y’all be like, “Here’s the drama, do your worst.” AND WE DO.

  • 🥔 Potatorazzi Went Mainstream:
    One potato. ONE. Not plural. A singular, root-based surveillance entity captured so much forbidden tea he made it into official village media. That’s elite journalism. That’s starchy excellence.

  • 💌 We Get... Seichi Love Notes:
    We're not talking about roses and poems—we’re talking “pls don’t stop,” “when is the next one,” “you ruined my night but I laughed,” and someone admitting they read it while pooping. That’s love in our language.

  • 🚨 The Police? Yeah, They Collaborate Now:
    Specifically: Forky. Outlaw Officer. Tabloid informant. Passive-aggressive chaos goddess. She leaks like a cracked water scroll and we are BLESSED.

  • 🧟‍♂️ Terriator Tried to Weaponize Abbie (and Failed):
    He tried to erase us using our own editor’s name, but like a bootleg shadow clone, it couldn’t write past paragraph two. Stick to polls, Terriator.

🖤 TO OUR MANY SUPPORTERS:

There are too many of you. And if we tried to name everyone, someone would cry in Tavern and we’d have another scandal.

So here’s what we’ll say:
To everyone who’s tagged us, leaked to us, defended us, threatened us with love, screamed “publish this” at 3am, and shared our articles with a petty smile—this scroll is yours too.

You know who you are.
And we love your messy, chaotic souls.

🚨 NAMELESS NO MORE? IT’S TIME TO DECIDE.

We’ve been operating for a full cycle without a name, which is a mood. But now? We’re opening the scrolls to suggestions.

🔥 Here are the ACTUAL names we’re considering 🔥

  1. Potatorazzi Press

  2. The Sparkle Scroll

  3. The Banned Scrolls

  4. Tabloid-no-Abbie

  5. Carne Asada en las Tetas Times

  6. Yapper’s Delight

  7. Seichi Tabloid Tribune

  8. Gossip-no-Jutsu

📬 Want to vote? Send a DM. Want to suggest a better one? Send it too. If it’s iconic, it’s going in the poll. If it’s cringe, we’ll leak it anonymously and mock it publicly (with love).

✨ Thank you for the clicks, the chaos, the cheeks, the chants, the unsolicited foot pics, and the fact that this tabloid still exists.

We’re not just gossip.
We’re a symptom of a society that needed a sparkle-powered exposé.
Here’s to Month 2. May it be even messier.

🖊 Abby out.
🍠 Powered by scandal. Written in glitter. Praise the Nya!



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