Scandalous Summer & Suspicious Swimsuits: Welcome to June in Seichi By Nya Cronicles, professional scandal sniffer and semi-retired war reporter

Three anonymous Seichi citizens—let's call them D*, Z****u, and K****scar—caught on camera totally by coincidence as they “prepare” for a certain highly unregulated tavern beach gathering. 

As the sun rises over Seichi and villagers emerge from their bunkers for the annual “please-for-the-love-of-Tsukuyomi-touch-grass” season, we at the Tabloid Department received a most curious package. A beautiful basket of apples (thank you, anonymous sender, we’re not above bribes) and an envelope labeled, in dramatic brushstroke: “SCANDALOUS.”

Inside? A photo. Not of shady ANBU deals or forbidden jutsu scrolls. No. It was three men in deeply unregulated swimsuits, backs to the camera, cheeks to the wind, and confidence levels in the stratosphere. Among them? One very likely dragon. One definitely white-haired shinobi. One man in aqua spandex whose identity we will not speculate on (yet). We’ve triple-checked village laws: unfortunately, they haven’t broken any. Yet.

Now, we don’t know when this supposed Tavern Beach Party™ happened, or even if it happened. It could be an elaborate Genjutsu. But if it did? We demand more photographic evidence. For journalism. Obviously.

More importantly, what is this even connected to? Was it a forbidden jutsu cosplay party? A stealth “Seichi Sweetheart: Beach Bod Edition”? Or… was it the result of the item unequip update?

Let’s consider the timeline:

• On June 2nd, Neon warns us: “Do not enter combat. Items and armor will be unequipped.”

• On June 3rd, Neon posts again: “Wars are back. Hire factions. Go nuts.”

• And sometime between those two posts, three absolute icons hit the beach in armorless glory.

Coincidence? We don’t do coincidences here. We do chaotic theories loosely backed by vibes. And our vibe says these beach-ready shinobi were victims—or victors—of the update. Freed from their armor. Liberated from stats. Embracing June as the gods (and Dusk) intended: nearly nude, unapologetically fabulous.

So, to whoever sent us this photo: bless you. And to whoever’s holding the rest of the beach party pics hostage—release them. For the good of Seichi. For the spirit of summer. For science.

Until then, remember: unequipped doesn’t mean unprepared.
And scandalous doesn’t always mean illegal.

Sometimes it just means... backless.

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