🗞️ SEICHI TABLOID TRIBUNE – POST-TRAUMA PRESS DROP “Neon Emerges, Daughtour Hides, and the Bloodline Touching Continues” By Abby, sparkle investigator and founder of the Resistance Against Unwanted Reworks (RAUR)

on


Citizens of Seichi, brace yourselves—a new patch has dropped, and much like a rogue totem in spar mode, it doesn’t care who it hits.

This time, however, it wasn’t Daughtour delivering the cursed scroll of adjustments.
No.
Daughtour has gone completely off the grid, likely hiding behind six layers of firewall and a blanket made of refund requests.
Instead, we got Neon.
Bless his ghost-coded soul.

But don’t let the soft glow fool you—this patch came swinging like a forbidden jutsu in a wedding.

💔 The Bloodline Touch Epidemic

According to official sources (read: vague bullet points), a number of bloodlines have been touched again. And not gently.
Let’s go over the victims:

  • BEE has been touched so many times it now glows in the dark.
    According to our latest investigation, BEE doesn’t stand for anything normal. It is now canonically Big Erotic Explosion, and yes—it got Shadow Element added. Interpret that however you like. We certainly will.

  • SY (known in local dialect as Salsa Yellow) was violently de-lightning'd. That’s right—they removed the Lightning Element.
    We assume this is punishment for existing too hard. Yin-Yang and None were added instead, because that’s what you get when a dev breaks your heart and then offers you metaphysics.

  • Ito Jinsei’s web range got snipped like a bad haircut, but its prevent stat was buffed.
    That’s called balance, baby. You can’t reach as far, but you stick harder. Like trauma.

🌹 A New Jutsu Has Bloomed (and It Bites)

A forbidden jutsu was added:
Black Thorn Rose.
No description. No warning. Just vibes and pain. It looks cool. It sounds cursed. And frankly, we don’t trust it. If your chakra starts smelling like flowers and betrayal, now you know why.

🔍 EXCLUSIVE INVESTIGATION: "How Do They Touch You?"

This is the question we must now ask. The patch touches our bloodlines. But how?
Are we summoned one by one to the Content Cave™ for invasive stat adjustments?
Do you wake up one morning and your Lightning affinity is gone and your jutsu screams in Latin?

Or—and here’s the spicy theory—if you avoid the content team long enough, do you remain unpatched?
We reached out to a rogue bloodline holder who claims to have hid inside a Misty Totem for three days and emerged untouched.
We cannot verify this. But also: we refuse to deny it.

Let it be known: we demand answers.
Do changes happen by chakra injection? Are we being hexed in our sleep? Did Neon write this patch while sipping rose tea made from our jutsu tears?

🧠 Final Thoughts:

  • Neon, thank you for delivering the patch like a true sparkle courier.

  • Daughtour, you're still grounded.

  • And to every SY, BEE, and HKK out there: we see you. We fear for you. We stan you.

If you're reading this and your bloodline was touched... you might be entitled to chakra compensation.

🖊 Abby, holding a sign outside the content cave that reads
“STOP TOUCHING US.”




SUPPORT US!


If you enjoy what we do, consider supporting us on Ko-fi! Every little bit means the world!

Comments

Post a Comment