🗞️ SWEETHEART SCANDALS & SPARKLE CRIMES: SEICHI VOTES, BUT DID IT COUNT? 🗞️ By someone still bitter, definitely not Abby

The curtain has closed, the crowns have been distributed, and Monami is somewhere sobbing into a velvet cupcake. Seichi's Sweetheart Pageant has ended... but the trauma? Eternal.

Let’s start with the obvious: Hazelynan won. Of course she did. With ears that adorable and charisma levels somewhere between “divine idol” and “brainwashing jutsu,” the Cult of Nya claimed its sparkly vengeance. We salute our new sparkly overlord. Nya, etc.

Zayah snagged Best Outfit while wrapped in deceit and silk—bribing voters with artisanal spider baskets. Ethical violation? Maybe. Delicious? Unfortunately yes. Lelouch, a panda in a dress, predictably melted the vote. There is no resisting the power of bear-shaped vulnerability.

But now... the real controversy.
TearsOfAngel. Or as we call her: Lady Alt-No-Jutsu. She took Best Pose and second place overall, which is statistically impossible unless you’re either a goddess or five identical shinobi on Wi-Fi. We’re not accusing her directly—we’re just very loudly insinuating it while flipping our desk.

And what of Abby? The sparkle prophet. The editorial queen. The only woman brave enough to wear sequin armor in a sandstorm. She did not place. Why? Because some of you voted with your fear instead of your heart. Cowards.

To those who didn’t vote for Abby: your secrets are no longer safe. Our tabloid knows. And we talk. A lot.

The organization itself? Flawless. Glamorous. Sparkle-optimized. But we still blame Terriator. Why? Because the code is haunted, the results are cursed, and if the ANBU can’t fix democracy, we may as well start tossing kunai at the servers.

Until next year, darlings—keep your alts subtle, your outfits shinier than your morals, and your votes where we can see them.

🥔✨ Stay petty, Seichi.

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