“Medic Madness: Why Is GoahWay Always Bleeding in the Tavern?”

 

GLOBAL TAVERN — A single word. Loud. Desperate. Eternal:

“MEDIC.”

GoahWay, Level 88 Higher Outlaw, Overseer of questionable rituals, Event Committee eccentric, and self-declared sun enthusiast, has once again shouted the sacred call into the Tavern abyss. Reports suggest this is the fifth time today and the seventeenth this week.

The cause? Unknown.
The symptoms? Everything.
The solution? Apparently, not his husband.

Concern is mounting—especially among other Event members—about why GoahWay, a noted ADC main with no healing jutsu and less patience than a Chuunin crammer on exam night, continues to yell for medical help.

“He runs headfirst into danger, then cries medic like a support main,” noted one anonymous bartender.

Adding to the tension is the conspicuous silence of Lelouch, GoahWay’s husband, and known partner in panda-themed mischief. Tavern attempts to contact him were met with nothing but echoing emptiness and a suspicious lack of hearts in the couple’s shared profile.

Some fear the worst:

• Has Lulu fallen asleep mid-event queue?

• Is this the beginning of the Lulu & GoahWay divorce arc?

• Or has GoahWay finally fried his internal organs trying to solar-flare a PvP duel?

Theories range from chakra burnout to a dramatic attention ritual designed to summon Lady Tylenol. She has yet to arrive.

Until answers emerge, the tavern remains on edge. GoahWay continues to shout, ADC life bar flashing, no heals in sight.

The one truth?
He asked for a medic.
But what he really needed…
was a therapist.

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