📰🐧 MOONSHINE AND MANIPULATION: What the Fork Happened to Penguin Hime?! by Abby, Seichi’s legally unhinged gossip oracle and basement cartographer
It all started with a breakup.
Or so he claims.
“She’s long gone. Off to better things lol.” – Wack Penguin, 12/06/2025, 12:24:40
Excuse me? What?
We blinked, cried, then blinked again. “Long gone”? That’s not a breakup, that’s a threat. That’s what you say after a failed summoning ritual, not a romantic separation.
Let’s review the clues—because this ice-cold fairytale is melting into a lunar horror story.
🐧✨ WHO IS PENGUIN HIME?
She was elegance incarnate. A fluffy flippered monarch of mystery. A penguin with a crown and a heart full of moonlight. She wore capes, she glowed, she believed.
And she believed in him—Wack Penguin, the emotionally constipated resident of Tsukimori’s foggy emotional crypt.
They were seen together. Quoted together. Posing together.
Until one day…
She vanished.
No more posts.
No more missions.
No more Hime.
🧊🚫 HE’S NOT EVEN GLACIER.
Let’s break the biggest lie wide open:
Wack Penguin isn’t from Glacier.
He’s Tsukimori-born. A native of the forest that worships Tsukuyomi and nightly meditations under sakura blossoms.
So why the cold? Why the basement? Why the emotionally frigid attitude?
“Basement hospitality!!” – Soura, accomplice and weirdo, 12/06/2025
Hospitality? In a Tsukimori basement? That’s not a spa day—that’s a spiritual time-out chamber powered by incense and passive aggression.
🌸💀 THEORIES FROM THE VOID
1. She Got Banished by Moonlight
Rumors swirl she joined the Tsuki 2.0 Discord, which Wack vehemently opposed. He even reported it to Terr.
Coincidence? No.
We think she was punished, ritual-style. Cast out into the cherry-blossom abyss. Locked in an astral moon prison for daring to click “Join Server.”
2. The "We Broke Up" Cover Story
He says he dumped her.
Excuse me, flipper boy. This is Penguin Hime. She gets breakup requests via handwritten scroll. She doesn’t get dumped—she ascends.
That “lol” at the end? That’s the sound of a guilty conscience dressed up as nonchalance.
3. Basement Sealing Jutsu
Sakura petals. Soft laughter. A door that never opens again.
We believe Wack used a sacred Tsukimori technique to seal Penguin Hime below his house like some sort of divine penguin-powered emotional battery.
We call it: Moonlight Isolation no Jutsu.
🕵️♀️🖤 WHERE IS SHE NOW?
Some say she’s still in the Tsukimori basement.
Some say she fled to Glacier and now wears a new name.
Some say she was consumed by the shrine’s resentment for joining Discord.
But we say this:
We don’t believe Wack.
We don’t believe his emoji-sprinkled dismissals.
We don’t believe he “let her go.”
And we absolutely don’t believe “basement hospitality” is anything but a cursed love dungeon with spiritual mold.
🖋️ FINAL WORD:
If you’ve seen a lone crown…
If you hear sobbing near the bamboo grove under the full moon…
If your sakura petals spell “help”…
REPORT IMMEDIATELY TO THE TABLOID.
Until then: we’ll keep searching.
Because Penguin Hime deserves more than a “lol.”
And Wack Penguin?
You better start flapping.
-Horizontal.jpg "SUPPORT US!") |
| If you enjoy what we do, consider supporting us on Ko-fi! Every little bit means the world! |
Comments
Post a Comment