📰 RAMENAGEDDON: Noodle Shortage Sparks Civil Unrest, Bugged War, and Unsolicited Panning

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SEICHI – What began as a routine corporate buyout has spiraled into what historians are now referring to as The Great Broth Collapse of 2025. Overnight, the shadowy conglomerate McRamen Corporation™ acquired every known ramen stand in Seichi, from the smallest back-alley Konoki stall to Glacier’s legally-questionable “Snow Noodles” pop-up. The result? Health levels across the continent dropped faster than a Jounin in Mistmire with one bar of stamina and a dream.

“It’s not even broth anymore,” complained one villager, clutching a bowl filled with what experts confirm is hot sink water and anxiety. “They said it’s ‘new formula,’ but I watched the chef refill it with tears.”

🔍 Main Suspect: Karigan the Ramen Slayer

All noodles now point to Karigan, a mysterious, allegedly unstoppable ramen-devouring entity. Officer Forky Forkington von Forkentron XIII, Nya-Police’s most decorated and sharpest utensil, issued an official statement:

“There are giant ramen riots in Seichi. Someone has allegedly eaten all the ramen. Who could have eaten all the ramen? Well there is only one entity in Seichi that can eat that much ramen and her name is Karigan!!!!!!”

Riots have since erupted in multiple villages. Shine, already on edge due to solar flare-induced hangry episodes, is reported to have accidentally declared war on Current. Sources say this may have been caused by a bugged announcement system, or a rogue intern.

💥 Collateral Madness Ensues

  • Tsukimori citizen Mantou entered what scholars believe to be a “mental movement lock.” He remains frozen in place, muttering about MM and spiritual misalignment.

  • LuffyDKage from Current stepped on the wrong tile and activated the village’s legendary Pan Defense System, resulting in several bruised egos and cookware dents.

  • Slyrak of Shine accused MM of betrayal. It remains unclear whether MM is an acronym for Misty Marshland, Movement Mechanics, or “Mystery Menace.”

  • Korin expressed distress over being repeatedly cleansed and rebound in combat—though how this relates to ramen remains unclear. Experts are investigating.

  • Snowent proposed a national cuddle pile as a temporary substitute for ramen-based warmth.

🌀 MM: Ramen’s Greatest Villain?

While many point fingers at Karigan or McRamen, a growing sect believes the true culprit is MM itself. “MM always betrays you when you need it most,” whispered Slyrak before disappearing into the dunes, presumably to slap the sun.

🌕 A Word from the Ancients

As of press time, the elders of Tsukimori have entered emergency moonlit meditation, hoping to commune with Tsukuyomi for divine noodle intervention. They’ve vowed not to break silence until the miso flows again.

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UPDATE: Seichi’s taverns now offering “Emergency Broth Substitutes,” including bone dust tea and hot leaf juice. Side effects include existential dread and spontaneous enlightenment.

Stay tuned for further developments. Or ramen. Whichever comes first.


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