🗞️ SEICHI TRIBUNE EXCLUSIVE “THE BUTT BAN SCANDAL: PEGI 12, MOD ENVY, AND THE CENSORSHIP OF CHEEKS” By Abby, your sparkle-fueled chaos correspondent and currently reporting live from the shadow of a glute-shaped scandal 🍑✨

Somewhere in the burning taverns of Seichi, a war has begun.

Not of swords.
Not of scrolls.
Not even of ramen.

No, dear reader. This is the War of the Cheeks—and the battlefield is as pixelated as it is petty.

It started with ZakkuTensai, apple enjoyer, Wind Reaver, and owner of what can only be described as divinely sculpted rear chakra. His avatar—tight, turquoise, and tighter than a Kage’s tax report—was deemed “too revealing” by none other than Gage, a newly minted moderator best known for streaming his own reports and quoting the rulebook like a bedtime story.

In not one, but two Tavern posts (because apparently one wasn’t enough to smite a booty), Gage politely-but-publicly invoked the mighty PEGI 12 guidelines, urging players to keep things “family friendly.” A noble goal, if we were in a preschool. But we’re not. We are ninja. We stab people for XP and rob corpses in the bushes.

The irony? The real PEGI 12 rating literally allows:

“sexual innuendo or sexual posturing, provided it is mild.”

Unless Zakku’s cheeks were whispering sultry haikus or pole dancing to the Wind Style: Booty Cyclone Jutsu, the mod intervention smells less like policy and more like jealousy-fueled interference.

Meanwhile, over in Modland™, we have Aven—a fellow enforcer of the sacred rule scrolls—rocking avatars with glitter-emitting chest artillery that could distract a Byakugan. No “friendly reminders.” No PG filter. Just sparkles and silence.

So what changed? What makes Zakku’s cheeks a crime, but sparkle-boobs a community asset?

The answer, dear reader, is gluteal power.

Zakku’s cake didn’t just walk into the Tavern. It cannonballed into the mod ego. And Gage? Gage flinched. Instead of asking for Zakku’s thigh-day routine like a reasonable adult, he hit CTRL+Reminder and hoped no one would notice the double standard.

But we noticed.
Oh, we noticed.

Now Zakku’s icon is pixelated like it’s in witness protection, cheeks censored, reputation bruised—but never broken. And the Tavern? It burns. With screenshots. With sarcasm. With the unfiltered rage of ninja denied their daily dose of tasteful booty.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

• PEGI 12 doesn’t mean “No Butts.” It means “Mild Butts.”

• Gage, if you’re reading this: next time, ask for the routine. Don’t ruin the vibe.

• Terrbot, you’re on notice. If you censor “cheeks” next, we riot again.

• Zakku, thank you for your service. Your cake will not be forgotten.

This has been your sparkle oracle. Until next time—
BITE BACK, SEICHI. The cheeks will rise again. 🍑

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