TAVERN LEAKS SPECIAL BULLETIN "SUNSWAP SAGA: Bloodline Theft, Fuzzy Cuffs, and the Betrayal Heard Across Seichi" By: Probably Not an ANBU Intern (Definitely Not Fired Yet)
In what experts are calling “a moment of diplomatic combustion wrapped in betrayal and glitter,” tensions erupted today in Seichi’s tavern after Kazu (Lv. 100, Shine’s self-proclaimed Flame Monarch and fuzzy-cuff enthusiast) was accused of... everything.
The accusations?
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Abandoning Fujin, wind, and Current’s emotionally unstable climate.
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Pledging eternal love to the sun god for the final village badge.
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Wearing fuzzy cuffs while denying his betrayal like a man who’s never seen espionage missions spelled out in glitter glue.
Tomo (Lv. 86, Current’s sass-swinging enforcer of emotional continuity) attempted to defend himself, claiming he only left to “steal a bloodline,” which, for legal reasons, might be a confession. Kazu denied any connection, stating Tomo confused him with another “Kaz,” which statistically is either true or a defense made up on the spot. Current intelligence reports remain inconclusive.
Jazu (Lv. 62, verbal assassin and chaos artisan) hijacked the moment with back-to-back “weakling” declarations aimed at Kazu, reducing the Flame Monarch’s emotional armor to ash. Eyewitnesses confirm spiritual critical damage.
Meanwhile, Abby (Lv. 87, Outlaw prophet) dropped a lore bomb: Kazu’s waifu from Shine, Alice, is allegedly “wearing the pants,” and thus controls all solar-based decision-making. The cuffs were not tactical. They were symbolic.
Noziroh yelled “Fuzzy cuffs!?” before self-yeeting from the conversation. Giet observed silently. He is always watching. Possibly judging.
Villagers now split into three ideological clans:
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Team Espionage: Every betrayal is a mission.
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Team Betrayal: Every mission is a betrayal.
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Team Cuffs: Every cuff tells a story.
More as the saga continues. Or combusts. Probably combusts.
π End Transmission.
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