SEICHI TRIBUNE – CULT TAKEOVER ALERT “The Nya Insurgency: Frogs Fall, Terriator Converts, and Hazelyn Ascends”

 

Seichi has fallen. Not to jutsu, nor to Syndicate plots—but to the overwhelming might of the Nya Cult.

In a betrayal so dramatic it should come with background music, Puraemu, former frog cult leader and outspoken enemy of the Nya (once threatening to exterminate Angry Cat on multiple occasions), has now posted “nyaaaaaaaa” in public. 

We don’t know if it was ritualistic, ironic, or chakra-induced, but it happened. And we have screenshots. Whether this is sincere, a psy-op, or the result of sustained chakra manipulation is unclear. What is clear is that the frogs have no leader anymore. 

They have nyothing.

Even Tomo, neutral Jonin and certified observer of chaos, posed the forbidden question:

“Did nya subjugate the frog clan?”
Answer: Yes. And it wasn’t subtle.

The answer? Confirmed via full-length Hazelyn Doctrine, which we now present, unedited and uncensored:

“I taught the frogs about the ways of the Nya, and they realized that they were mistakenyan about their false prejudices and have learned that the ways of the Nya are the optimal way to live life, nya.”

“Terriator benyan a Nya cultist is just evidence of Nya supremacy, and everynyan nyeeds to accept it already, they are just delaynyan the inevitable, nya, it is the Nya who controls Seichi, nya.”

This is no longer a theory. Terriator is allegedly Nya-aligned. The frog resistance has folded. Seichi belongs to the purring void now.

What’s next? Mandatory cat ears? Angry Cat ascending to Jounin? NYA-exclusive jutsus?

The question is no longer if you’ll join. It’s when.

—Seichi Tribune, scratching the truth into stone while we still can. 

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