🗞 SPECIAL REPORT: “The Ramen Crisis – McSlurp, Syndicates, and Suspicious Freezers” A Global Tavern Exclusive, Brought to You by Absolutely Not Jazu™

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SEICHI – June 10, 2025 – The Ramen Crisis has reached catastrophic levels. What started as a gentle nerf has evolved into a full-blown noodle famine, whispers of Syndicate involvement, courtroom threats, and yes—mysterious refrigerator surveillance gameplay. We don’t know what they were playing. We only know we saw it. We wish we hadn’t.

The first spark? A seemingly innocent question in Global Tavern:
“Why there’s a Ramen crisis?” asked a certain agent of chaos who we’re definitely not naming. (Jazu. It was Jazu.)

This led to a spiraling scandal when known Syndicate affiliate Karigan was accused of consuming the global ramen supply, forcing enemy med-nin into starvation and cross-territory sobbing. The rumor, reportedly confirmed by “Gossip™” and several shifty eyes, includes accusations of eating all the ramen and meowing suspiciously while doing it. Seichi authorities have refused to comment.

Multiple players have since reported Karigan’s strange proximity to snack-filled fridges in a totally-not-TNR game. The grainy screenshots reveal bloodstained walls, drums, and a suspicious lack of ramen bowls. Conspiracy theorists claim these images are proof of a Ramen Black Market, or possibly a new mini-game called “How to Hide Evidence From the ANBU.”

Jounin Jazu—who is absolutely not the source of this information despite very clearly being the absolute source of this information—was also spotted confirming Karigan may have a “wanted poster” while low-key implying it’s probably fine and definitely charming.

As if that weren’t enough, Forky—a respected member of the Nya-police—filed a psychic report naming Karigan “The Ramen Slayer,” while Kaz from Silence confirmed the crisis is now contagious.

🧂 Conclusion:

  • Ramen stocks are gone.

  • Karigan is a suspect.

  • The Syndicate is slurping.

  • Forky hasn’t pooped in 27 days.

  • And someone—definitely not Jazu—is leaking screenshots like a chaotic benevolent archivist mid-sugar rush.

Stay tuned for our follow-up exposé:
"Day 28 – Forky's Digestive Journey and the Candy Cartel Conspiracy."

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